“I did not say to the man”
There were so many things I did not say to the man. We have all done it. We never find the time. We always put it off until another day. It is one of those misgivings we all face. We ponder those times we should have visited. Should have called, should have interrupted our busy day. We should have stopped him on the street. We could have told him what we thought. We decide to hold off another day. There were so many things I did not say to the man. The only thing I can do now in my lateness, is to find a few empty words to say about the man, even though my audience is only myself.
Honesty and Integrity were his hallmark. He was not a man of grandeur, nor of royalty. His only crown was a crooked cap. You won’t see his picture in any history books or his name etched in granite walls. The only books we’ll see him in, are our own photo albums. His name etched only in our memories. He was a good man, a common man who walked a common walk, and smiled a common smile. A man of only average height, but a giant in his own way, He was not a man of grand intellect, but he was brilliant. He was not a great communicator with a fancy vocabulary. He said what he had to say. He never mixed words. Always straightforward and clearly spoken. He was not a hard man, but he was solid as a rock. When he entered a room, he carried the light with him. Only a few men can do that. Go look for that one giant deed he performed that made him the man he was. Instead you will find those countless little things he did. Those simplistic things that matter most to people. He had a simplistic way about him that shallow words cannot capture.
In one timeless moment we have lost a husband, a father, a paw paw, father in law, ... and a friend. He guided us all. He helped us all. Always at the ready in case we fall. Always looking at our misgivings without judgment. He loved God and his church. This was evident in his everyday actions. He lived for God and family....Everyday. I am among the fortunate ones. I knew him. There are those who didn’t know him. It is to their loss.
The holiday season is approaching. There is sure to be a void where he once stood. There is one thing I know for sure, this time of year was among his favorite. To Paw, the greatest thing he could have at the holiday season was to have his family all together and to say grace over a meal. This was part of his simplistic way.
He loved the dance. His brilliance would show its best on the dance floor. I remember watching him glide along the floor effortlessly. He seldom skipped a song. I recall watching him dance with my wife as they would slide across the floor, without thought of their moves, never a need to anticipate each others steps. It will be those little things that I remember the most. When we reflect on his days we should remind ourselves of those little moments. Those moments of simplicity.
I often wondered where I stood with him. Was I welcome in his home? Did he even like me? I was too afraid to ask for fear of his straightforward approach. I feared his truth. If only once he mentioned to someone I was an ok guy, to me, for a good man like him to say those words, would have been enough for me. I never knew until his last handshake on the Thursday before his passing. He grabbed my hand with his recognizable grip, and instead of his regular handshake, he gripped my hand and pulled me towards him. He looked me in the eyes and smiled, then he gently released my hand. I noticed the different handshake immediately, but did not understand why until today. I was welcome in his home from the very first. I realized at that moment that, here is a man who gave me his only daughter without pre-condition. Without high expectations. Without demands. His only requirement was that I be a husband. He gave freely. This was his way.
His walk was never behind any man. He either led the way or walked beside them. Never behind and never too far in front. The trademark of a friend. When he left this life, it was without struggle. It was in peace. Such is the reward for the peacemakers.
Yes, there were things I did not say to the man. The same as everyone. Our memories should not be etched by what we should have done or could have done to be closer. Our memories should be spent with thoughts of his trades and talents, his sense of humor, his gentle strength and his unique simplistic way. It is through this simplicity of life that I will remember him. I will miss him.